Things Not To Say To Your Employeer

A list of things not to say to your new employeer on your first day of work.

So how's the drug dependancy program around here?
Sure hope THAT account wasn't important because I dont think they will be calling back...
Sweet copier. That might actually fit my ass....let me check...
My parol officer asks that you call this number every 15 minutes...
I suffer from tourettes but 'BITCH!' i am able to control 'LYING WHORE!' it with medication. You will hardly 'ASSHOLE' notice it...
Sure, i can make deliveries...as long as it's not near a daycare or a school zone.
Where the hell is this "any" key these instructions mention?
I'd like half my paycheck to go to Saint Vincents Home For The Mentally Insane. Mother says after a few more payments they will let me have a new coloring book
That sexual harrasement training class really sucked. I didn't get a single phone number...
No no, not jury duty, a jury summons. There is this little incident about a bank robbery, 3 goats and a priest that I need to clear up.
My last post? Oh, they loved me there. In fact they asked that my transfer here be expedited...
Hey, pull my finger...

- Scott